As I write this, I look over the last 20 years and wonder
how many days do I remember?
how many things do I recount?
how many people do I trust and hold close to my heart?
how many people do I despise? how much hatred am I filled with?
how many dreams are unfulfilled? how many wishes are yet to come true?
what do I want from my life? where do I go to get it?
As I write this, I look over the first moments of life
the first time I rode a bicycle
the first time I earned money, the first time I went paragliding
the first time I loved someone, the first time I won something
the first time I laughed till I cried, the first time I cried out of happiness
the first of everything, everything and every part of every 'first'
As I write this,I think about the lasts, the lasts that continue to exist in my mind
The last house I lived in, the last memories of my granma
the last time I lost control over myself
the last day of school, the last friend I lost touch with
the last teen year that I left behind, the last traces of the fear of starting something new
As I write this, I remember the onlys
The only genuinely good friend I have had
the only time I felt humiliated to the core
the only time I wished I were dead
the only person who broke my heart unknowingly
the only time I ever laughed over someone's misery
the only regret I have in my life
As I write this, I complete another year of my life
what have I done yet? Is there something solely to my credit?
have achieved anything? have I made a difference in anyone's life?
what have I done that is socially applauded? have I changed anyone
for better or for worse? Am I satisfied with what I have turned out to be?
have I set a goal for myself? do I believe that I can achieve it?
As I write this, I see many more dreams to be turned into reality
I jot down all the things I have to do before I die
but that word, "die" - makes me sad so I stop making the list and go to sleep


