As I write this, I look over the last 20 years and wonder
how many days do I remember?
how many things do I recount?
how many people do I trust and hold close to my heart?
how many people do I despise? how much hatred am I filled with?
how many dreams are unfulfilled? how many wishes are yet to come true?
what do I want from my life? where do I go to get it?
As I write this, I look over the first moments of life
the first time I rode a bicycle
the first time I earned money, the first time I went paragliding
the first time I loved someone, the first time I won something
the first time I laughed till I cried, the first time I cried out of happiness
the first of everything, everything and every part of every 'first'
As I write this,I think about the lasts, the lasts that continue to exist in my mind
The last house I lived in, the last memories of my granma
the last time I lost control over myself
the last day of school, the last friend I lost touch with
the last teen year that I left behind, the last traces of the fear of starting something new
As I write this, I remember the onlys
The only genuinely good friend I have had
the only time I felt humiliated to the core
the only time I wished I were dead
the only person who broke my heart unknowingly
the only time I ever laughed over someone's misery
the only regret I have in my life
As I write this, I complete another year of my life
what have I done yet? Is there something solely to my credit?
have achieved anything? have I made a difference in anyone's life?
what have I done that is socially applauded? have I changed anyone
for better or for worse? Am I satisfied with what I have turned out to be?
have I set a goal for myself? do I believe that I can achieve it?
As I write this, I see many more dreams to be turned into reality
I jot down all the things I have to do before I die
but that word, "die" - makes me sad so I stop making the list and go to sleep
20 and still counting...
Fireflies In The Garden
I saw the movie Fireflies in the Garden yesterday and totally loved it. Julia Roberts is Teh Awesomeness! It's about the mangled relationships of a father and his son. Julia Roberts plays the mother. After Julia dies, how the boy remembers his childhood and his his relationship with his father.
I was shopping for clothes today when I walked into a book store. I generally take about 2 hours to decide before buying a book because as I look at it, that book is going to be my source of entertainment for the next couple of weeks, so I can't randomly pick books off shelves and start reading. But as I walked into this store, I saww 2-3 books and came across "A Boy of Good Breeding". I have to say that it has a very very different plot. It's a political/emotional/random comedy about a town in Canada- Algren.
Haven't been doing much beside books, movies and Facebook. It's kinda my last academic vacation. So enjoying it to the fullest is my goal. It won't be wrong to say that nowadays, I am as free and on the loose as a Firefly in a garden :)
Things He Lost In The Fire
He had a simple life
A family to support him, a group of friends who were always there for him
People who cared a lot about him, people had high expectations from him
He had chosen a path for his life. A safe one, one that guaranteed a secured life
But he had a dream, undisclosed, hidden within his heart
Somewhere inside, the safe plan just wasn’t working for him anymore
He wanted to take risks, go on an adventure, and fulfill his dream
But he would have to give up a lot for it
He would fail people’s expectation; he would lose people’s trust
But the fire within him was spreading, lashing against heart and burning his mind
He decided to go for it
The path was dark, but that fire within him kept igniting the roads
Showing him the right turns and protecting him from the crevasses
But little did he know that the fire was scaring the people
Who loved him and distancing them from him
It was eating up the life he had left behind him
The people he knew, the way he lived, his confidantes
His friends, his morals, his principles, his believes
Eaten up by the wild fire. Nothing left to save
No one left to rescue
He hopes he doesn’t find himself alone
At the end of this journey
It’ll be too hard to retain
Things he lost in the fire.
Coffee
The next time you turn around the corner, or walk into some pub or randomly see someone pretty and want to ask them out, think about this.
“Let’s have coffee sometime.”
Simple, short, and effective also. But have you ever thought Coffee is actually a source of refreshment from boredom and lethargy? So what you are actually saying is “You’re pretty, but when we meet, you are going to bore me so much that it’s better to have a coffee around to reimburse the strength that I’ll lose handling you”
Who must have started this whole coffee business anyway?
Just a random thought that crossed my mind this afternoon when I was busy doing… nothing!
Being Yourself
Weird thing happened today. I was at the barber’s shop and was devastated by that scissor running through my hair. If you know me well enough, you should know how much I hate haircuts. This child, of about 5-6 walks in. His father is holding him in his arms. Now this kid was a smaller version of me. He was what I used to be around 10 years ago. He just leapt out of his father’s arms, sat on the floor and started screaming and protesting the scissor. I felt so proud of this kid that I almost waved my fist in the air and said “yeah, way to go. Don’t fall for it. Don’t let them do what they brought you here for!”
So, I got to thinking, how the whole process of growing up kills our basic instincts and the will to act according to our will. There’s so much you have to be aware of – the people around you, the place you’re in, the kind of society you belong to, public manners, how others conceive you, how you want others to conceive you, blah, blah and some more blah
But while you grow up into who you are, you actually give up a large part of who you were and adopt a large part of who you want to be. So when people thank their parents and teachers and other people for turning them into who they are today, it’s really useless because it’s the decisions that they make and the influences they have, the amount to which others affect their thought processes which makes them what they are.
I wish I could protest out loud for silly things and act like I really wanted to, but obviously I can’t as I have molded myself to “fit-in” into a group of people, a society and follow a decent code of conduct even though it means completely murdering the “me” inside of me.
MY CONCEPT OF HAPPINESS
My younger cousin had asked me to help him with his school project some days ago. He's in the 10th standard and he'd asked me to write a short essay kind of a thing on 5 topics for his extempore speech at school. One of the topics was "My concept of happiness". I instantly started writing on this one and i got so engrossed in my own thoughts that i said, i have to put this up on my blog. So here goes....
The main aim of an individuals' survival in this world is often mistaken to be earning money, living prosperously, succeeding, etc, but while we set the targets of our lives, we always forget to concentrate on something that is far more important. Yes, money, fame, success are important but they are the secondary necessities of our life. Actually, the foremost thing which we derive from all such life goals and their fulfillments is happiness. It is in the pursuit of happiness that we do whatever we do. The end result that we seek while setting a target for ourselves is basically happiness, whether monetary or psychological. For me, happiness can be found in the smallest and randomest of things like having a glass of cold water on a summer day, eating an ice-cream or passing an exam. The amount of happiness in one's life depends on the extent up to which an individual can be content with what he/she has. The key to happiness, according to me, is self-satisfaction and not success. So, even a starving begger can be happy when he suddenly gets somethings to eat and a very rich man can be sad because of greed and discontentment.
